Friday, July 5, 2013
Born Again American
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Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Hard Keeping a Straight Face as a COURT REPORTER
It Can be Hard Keeping a Straight Face as a COURT REPORTER
These
are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________
______________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
(My Favorite)
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
(Another favorite)
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
And last:
(Well OK, this is the best)
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Why men are always happy.
last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, November 7, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The wrong bitch
The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed French woman from Paris, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone defend me! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.
The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone defend me! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
My new ipod shuffle 4th generation
But, the voice over really struggles with Japanese (even simple) then again, its trying to say japanese words in english, I might switch the voice over language to japanese and see if that is better.
But here's something Interesting, the ear-phone it came with sound better than the noise blocking ones I got from japan. now if I can just keep the apple ones from falling out of my ear.... which is not working....( I have small ear openings).
any way, its much better that the old one. I picked great.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Funny Bear Story
(edit: pic's 404ed)
An atheist was walking through the woods:
'What majestic trees'!
'What powerful rivers'!
'What beautiful animals'!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a
rustling in the bushes behind him.He turned to look.
He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up
but saw that the bear was right on top of him,
reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped. The bear froze.The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years,
teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer'?
The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now,
but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed.
And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together,
bowed his head & spoke:
"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive
from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen"
from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen"
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Take My Son
A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art. When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.
About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.' The young man held out his package. 'I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.'
The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. 'Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift.' The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.
The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. 'We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?' There was silence.
Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, 'We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one.' But the auctioneer persisted. 'Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?'
Another voice said angrily. 'We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts. Get on with the Real bids!'
But still the auctioneer continued. 'The son! The son! Who'll take the son?'
Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. 'I'll give $10 for the painting.' Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.
'We have $10, who will bid $20?'
'Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters.'
The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. 'Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!'
A man sitting on the second row shouted, 'Now let's get on with the collection!'
The auctioneer laid down his gavel. 'I'm sorry, the auction is over.'
'What about the paintings?'
'I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took the son gets everything!'
God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: 'The son, the son, who'll take the son?' Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.
About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.' The young man held out his package. 'I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.'
The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. 'Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift.' The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.
The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. 'We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?' There was silence.
Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, 'We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one.' But the auctioneer persisted. 'Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?'
Another voice said angrily. 'We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts. Get on with the Real bids!'
But still the auctioneer continued. 'The son! The son! Who'll take the son?'
Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. 'I'll give $10 for the painting.' Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.
'We have $10, who will bid $20?'
'Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters.'
The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. 'Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!'
A man sitting on the second row shouted, 'Now let's get on with the collection!'
The auctioneer laid down his gavel. 'I'm sorry, the auction is over.'
'What about the paintings?'
'I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took the son gets everything!'
God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: 'The son, the son, who'll take the son?' Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A Little Christian Humour
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on
the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set
up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will
judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded..
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards..
They created charts and graphs...
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power
went off..
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in
the underworld.
Jesus just sighed..
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. 'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not
fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES.....
the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set
up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will
judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded..
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards..
They created charts and graphs...
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power
went off..
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in
the underworld.
Jesus just sighed..
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. 'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not
fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES.....
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
The preacher and his son.
An old country preacher.....had a teenage son, and it was getting time theboy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men
his age, the boy didn't really seem to know what he wanted to do, and he
didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an
experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four
objects.
1. A Bible...
2. A silver dollar...
3. A bottle of whiskey...
4. And a Playboy magazine...
To himself. 'When he comes home from school today,
I'll see which object he picks up.
If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me,
And what a Blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business
Man, and that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good
Drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going
To be a Skirt-chasing womanizer.'
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's
Footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed
For his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned
To leave the room, he spotted the objects on the table..
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he
picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he
Admired this month's centerfold.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Fear...it is something vital to us puny creatures. The instant man stops fearing is the instant where the species reaches a dead end, only to sink to pitiable lows, only to sit and wait apathetically for extinction!
Humans who lose the ability to think become creatures whose existence has no value. Wake up! Don't be afraid of knowledge! Think, you humans who are split into two worlds! Unless you want the gulf between humans to expand into oblivion, you must THINK!
___________________________________________________________
Don't be absurd! No such attempt has, or ever will be made by any man who so much as understands the word!
For a thing to be called "epic," it must be enduring! It must withstand the ravages of time, bowing not to the wind or the rain or the motion of the very earth! To be epic is to be immortal! Those words and deeds which endlessly live on in the minds of man, whether through fear or admiration.
Therefore to be epic in one's own life is impossible, yet it is for that that we must strive!
Humans who lose the ability to think become creatures whose existence has no value. Wake up! Don't be afraid of knowledge! Think, you humans who are split into two worlds! Unless you want the gulf between humans to expand into oblivion, you must THINK!
___________________________________________________________
Don't be absurd! No such attempt has, or ever will be made by any man who so much as understands the word!
For a thing to be called "epic," it must be enduring! It must withstand the ravages of time, bowing not to the wind or the rain or the motion of the very earth! To be epic is to be immortal! Those words and deeds which endlessly live on in the minds of man, whether through fear or admiration.
Therefore to be epic in one's own life is impossible, yet it is for that that we must strive!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I'm creepy?
I was banned from the questionable content because I'm creepy.... apparently.
So if any one that ever reads this also goes there and is a member, please ask that be unbanned.
So if any one that ever reads this also goes there and is a member, please ask that be unbanned.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Things you should know but probably don't
1. Money isn't made out of paper. It's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a 'tittle'.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7-UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time hence, multitasking was invented.
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before.
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver.
22. Leonardo DaVinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar. (good to know)
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand; (and you thought this list was completely useless).
27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples.
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
32 Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.
34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. OJ Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE WOMAN in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her ass off to jail.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a 'tittle'.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7-UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time hence, multitasking was invented.
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before.
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver.
22. Leonardo DaVinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar. (good to know)
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand; (and you thought this list was completely useless).
27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples.
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
32 Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.
34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. OJ Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE WOMAN in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her ass off to jail.
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